I was watching a YouTube video about decluttering, or some similar topic. The presenter discussed how it can be difficult to get rid of items that belonged to a loved one who has passed away. I’ve watched tons of videos and read many books that talk about this, but in the video, they made a comment that I had not heard before, and it made me pause and reflect on something I had not before. They said, “You are keeping stuff that THEY may not have even wanted to keep!” Whoa… what an INTERESTING point!
Lynn (my late partner), my (late) Mom, and I were all sentimental people, and kept lots of items that we were nostalgic about. I continue to hold onto many of their items, that have no value other than the memory they hold or evoke. I am fortunate to know the significance of nearly all of these belongings. Over the past 11 years, I have definitely had moments where I FINALLY and organically let go of an item that I thought I would never get rid of. Thinking about this comment “You are keeping stuff that THEY may not have even wanted to keep” might increase the pace of my readiness to remove Lynn’s and my Mom’s things from my home forever.
And it IS challenging, in that, they might have automatically held onto things that they no longer held deep nostalgia for anymore, but held onto them out of habit. (I do the same thing.) Recently, I came across a small photo album from a million years ago of Lynn’s honeymoon with her ex-husband. I had of course come across it before, and continued to house in one of the many tote boxes of her things. Honestly, I never considered getting rid of it before. It was part of Lynn’s life that she automatically kept, maybe with mixed feelings, and maybe it reminded her of both positive and difficulty times. When I came across it recently, without thinking, I automatically kept it in the box and kept looking for whatever I had initially been looking for. THEN, unexpectedly and I do not know if something triggered this, I thought, wait – maybe I can throw out this album?! What??? What a zany thought! I flipped thru it quickly, looking for maybe a cute pic of a young Lynn I might want to keep or pass along to her family. But luckily it was mostly pictures of views and buildings, etc (thank goodness!) So I surprised myself, and tossed it into the throw-in-the-garbage pile! Aaaaand, I actually threw it out!
When I told someone casually about throwing out Lynn’s honeymoon album, the response was a bit incredulous, I believe, that I 1) had held onto it, and 2) that I had a little difficulty throwing it out. Ehhh, to each their own. I do believe in momentum, though, and hope that I learn and get better at creating SPACE that feels comfortable, safe, and like a reflection of me.
