Grief changes when life changes; and when life changes, grief changes.

But maybe the biggest thing that constantly changes and evolves is US. If we want to. If we choose to. If we allow the grief to be that annoying friend that you just can’t seem to shake, instead of treating her as the enemy. As we crawl and scratch through this beautiful, heart-wrenching, chaotic life together; keep on making the decision to invite your grief along. She’s a chatterbox, and she will always have a lot to teach us. In the end, most of her lessons continue to share the same focus: love. 

This years Thanksgiving holiday was very small, and very nice. Me and Nick; hosting at our house; my parents, and my brother. Later in the weekend, my brother brought his kids over to see us, since they were with their mother on the actual holiday. The food was delicious, the company was even better. Yesterday, I had my 2x per month Soaring Spirits Regional gathering. My co-leader (Allison) and I planned a lovely “friendsgiving” lunch event at a local restaurant that has a full menu filled with various comfort foods. There were 10 of us, and we did a toast to “the people we love who brought us together in friendship”, and we each shared a bit with one another about how our holiday was, the challenges we faced, the victories we had, and the changes that losing our loved one to death have brought to our lives.

It was lovely, sad, filled with laughter, support, and hope. Always hope.

When viewing through our widowed lense, the scope of grief and life is forever changing.

I used to be so angry and bitter during Thanksgiving time, because my person was no longer here, and I couldnt see past that to find any future joy.

Now, I realize I was looking through the kaleidoscope the wrong way. I was trying too hard to look beyond it and past it, when the whole time, I needed to be looking through it; listening and sitting with the calm inside of its current grief storm.