I’ve mentioned before that I remain young at heart, despite advancing age. However, for a couple of weeks now, I’ve been experiencing an unusual, mildly alarming health issue that has shaken my confidence a bit. I can’t get into the particulars, but it suffices to say I am considering how I change my wicked ways for the better. Even so, “we have yet to find the elixir of eternal youth, and so must come to terms with age-related health issues the longer we live.” See Facing and Feeling Your Age by Mary McNaughton-Cassill Ph.D., found at https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mental-health-matters/202407/facing-and-feeling-your-age (7-29-24).
We’re all aware that our view of aging shifts over time. I still recall feeling, as a kid, that time crept. So, when did it become this streaking train?
People cope with the reality of aging in different ways. “Some people cope by trying to hang onto their youth in appearance or outlook, others lean into the idea of retiring to take life more slowly or to pursue hobbies or travel.” Id. Although I put myself squarely in the youth camp, I can also say these days that I feel fortunate to be able to spend more time on hobbies and travel than on earnest work.
Indeed, feeling younger is undeniably beneficial. It gives me a sense of well-being and helps me to be resilient. Evidence shows that my youthful outlook can improve my physical and cognitive health, but “as with most things, there is a limit to the benefit of this form of self-deception.” Id. (emphasis added).
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Evidence also shows that the quality and commitment of our intimate relationships have an even greater impact on one’s overall wellness and longevity. According to the Harvard Gazette, “Close relationships, more than money or fame, are what keep people happy throughout their lives… and are better predictors of long and happy lives than social class, IQ, or even genes.” See https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2017/04/over-nearly-80-years-harvard-study-has-been-showing-how-to-live-a-healthy-and-happy-life/.
For example, a healthy positive marriage can substantially reduce mortality rates. See https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4275835/. For widowers and widows especially, it’s vitally important to maintain our close friendships (especially if these friends are also our neighbors). Likewise, staying involved in one’s community is a benefit to our health, happiness, and well-being.
An ongoing study for the past eighty years, the Harvard Medical School’s Study of Adult Development found that men with loving relationships in their fifties were healthier thirty years later. (When this study began, women weren’t admitted to Harvard, hence, the original subjects were all male.) In 2015, its current director, Dr. Ted Waldinger presented a TED talk on this subject. https://www.ted.com/talks/robert_waldinger_what_makes_a_good_life_lessons_from_the_longest_study_on_happiness?subtitle=en. His bottom line: Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Loneliness kills!
And, as it turns out, the study subjects’ interpersonal connections in their middle age were a better predictor of their future health than their cholesterol levels! I, for one, certainly hope so.
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If you had asked me back when I was still in my fifties, I would have reported that I was deliriously happy and content with Lee. Certainly, I wish she were still alive and that we were together.
But I am grateful that Robyn and I have found one another, albeit relatively late in life. With Robyn, once more I feel happy and content.
