So, everyone in my immediate family circle has now been vaccinated. (well, except my niece and nephew, because the vaccine hasnt been approved yet for kids under 16. But soon … )
Because of this, we are starting to plan more family events and gatherings, and slowly starting to get back to something a bit closer to what used to be known as normal. And I gotta say, it is very nice.
Last weekend, my husband NIck and I went over to my parents house, along with my brother Dave and his two kids, my niece and nephew Brian and Jillian. Other than seeing them on a few Zoom calls and twice when they stood outside in my parents yard with masks on, saying hello through the windows to grandma and grandpa , who had just got out of the hospital with covid; we havent been in the same room with them since the pandemic began. They are now almost 13 and almost 10, and they have grown up so much in such a short time. This past weekend, there was overdue hugging and smiling and laughing, and the kids playing and wrestling with their dad, and everyone just so damn happy to be hanging out together in such close proximity to one another – something we all took for granted in life before covid. It felt almost magical to simply sit with family members and eat potato salad and birthday cake, and do an Easter egg hunt one month late for the kids. It was awesome.
In June, my cousin is getting married, and it will be our first large family event. Everyone will be getting a hotel overnight, and I really cannot wait. I am not only grateful to finally be able to go to a wedding, (I will probably still wear my mask at the reception, especially if Im around a lot of people I dont know) but also thankful on a whole other level, that Ive reached the point in my widowhood where going to weddings is no longer extremely painful. (hopefully) I can just be happy for my cousin, marinate in their love, and not consume myself with thoughts of my own short marriage, cut to pieces by sudden death. Who wants cake?
While all this is going on, Nick and I have been house-hunting, and have now put in 6 offers on 6 houses (going on 7 as of this weekend, when I will be writing up another one for us.) Its been exhausting, and a roller coaster of emotions. Falling in love with each house, picturing it as our home while we sit and wait to see if our offer was accepted, then getting the disappointing news that they went with another offer. Its heartbreaking, but again, just like with most things, for each time I feel heartbroken by not getting an accepted offer, I feel equally thankful that Im in a place now where being married again and looking for a house together is a thing. Sometimes its hard to believe how far Ive come, and other times, it feels very full-circle. In any case, I dont know how any of it will turn out. But being able to have my family around more often, is a balm and a peace that feels so good, especially when dealing with the stressful experience of trying to find a house.
In all of this, I still miss Don. The feeling of missing him is often weird, as the thoughts that arise are strange. “I wonder if Brian remembers Don enough to ever miss him. I want to ask him, but I feel weird.” Thats a thought Ive had lately. Jillian didnt know Don at all, and only knows Nick in my life, and didnt know me in the life I had with Don. “I wonder if Don knows that his silly recliner chair has moved with me to each new place I have lived, and that it will continue to stay with me in my home office.” I think of him with sadness, reflectiveness, melancholy, and eternal gratefulness. I miss him, and I am eternally thankful that I had a love so powerful and so beautiful that I will miss it deeply – forever.
Stay tuned.