I remember the various milestones in the past 11 years, regarding when I took off certain significant pieces of jewelry. The matching ring that I wore on my ring finger that Lynn and I had that represented our forever union – I took that off in various spurts. I stopped wearing mine after a year and a half or so, but then started wearing HERS (that matched) on my middle finger. Because it was on my middle finger, was silver, and had a unique design, it did not look like a “wedding ring.” People often complimented it’s beauty and asked the symbolism, and I loved telling them the story behind the symbolism, and that Lynn and I shared matching rings. I wore that ring until about 7 months ago, and I have since stopped wearing all rings. 

After Lynn passed, I started wearing a ring that she always wore that was her grandmother’s. In some ways, it felt more significant that I got to wear it than our matching rings, and I kind of felt more “hers” by having the honor to wear that particular ring. It actually looked more like a wedding ring, and it fit on my right hand ring finger. For me, it felt more like a ring that represented being Lynn’s family. Not “just” her partner, but her BFF, the one who knew her best, who knew me best, all the things. At some point, I stopped wearing that ring daily, and only wore it on occasion. I believe I did not need the “physical proof” that I was Lynn’s person and vice versa. And I decided the style of the ring did not currently feel like me. 

I still wore Lynn’s matching ring for many years. It is a “sailor’s rope” shaped into an open circle, with a raised “ball” in the middle. It represents surviving a storm / hardship in life. When we picked them out, I commented that I had NEVER experienced any hardships in life. (She passed 4 months later, ack!) Over time, I started having my own solo relationship with that ring. It reflected my grief experience, while simultaneously holding the beauty and excitement of when we bought them. 

When my Mom passed 2 1/2 years ago, I started wearing her gold necklace that has a heart with a circle around it. I had always worn silver, and never thought I would like wearing gold. But I loved wearing her necklace, it helped with my grief and healing, and I felt like “switching” from wearing silver to gold represented a change / evolution / growth for me. Even more significant than getting a drastically different haircut to signify a change in life! 

I stopped wearing silver – including our matching rings. Actually, I stopped wearing almost all jewelry. I do not wear my Mom’s necklace every day, because I am worried about losing it. In the past year, I have begun carefully choosing a pendant that I feel I connect with on that particular day, and wear it on a gold chain. I only wear two pieces of jewelry on a daily basis. One are my pair of gold earrings that are in the shape of the Philippine star (and are super sweet). The second is a thin, minimalist gold bracelet that is fused closed (so it cannot come off) (that matches my girlfriend’s). 

I used to be a wear my daily pieces, and don’t change them up. Now, I find it interesting that I actually enjoy the ritual of looking thru my few pendants, think about how I feel that day, what I will be doing, who I will be around, and consider what I feel I want to reflect myself and represent myself that day. It wasn’t as “sad” as I would have thought it would be when I stopped wearing our matching rings. It felt natural, I did not feel any guilt, and I know I can ALWAYS wear it anytime I want – for as short or as long as I want.