I will be going on a week long international vacation with my girlfriend and her family. It made me look back on vacations I have taken in my life. First, I am not big on travel. I get a bit anxious if I am gone from home for more than a few days. But, I feel more assured and comfortable if I am with family or friends I have known for a loooong time (at least a decade, preferably a few decades). 99% of the vacations I have taken had some sort of task, activity, obligation, etc. (Such as helping at a wedding, taking photographs for a friend’s party, helping with a friend’s pop-up food truck, helping family with all the things, etc) While the vacations were fun and relaxing, I DO enjoy having a role or adventure. 

I am having “feelings” about my upcoming trip… I am grateful and anticipating having a great time, I am definitely feeling anxious about traveling for the first time with people I have known for a relatively short amount of time. When traveling with Lynn or my family, we knew each others’ quirks and needs, and there is a such a safety with traveling with someone who knows you – sometime better than you know yourself. This upcoming trip is making me feel like I am REALLY in the chapter of ADULT. And yes, I recognize I am a 50 year old woman saying this, lol. It is another experience highlighting that my Mom is gone, and it’s time for me to “take care of myself.” That said, my girlfriend is amazing, and absolutely knows me – as best as one possibly can in 5 months of couple hood. 

While I will make sure I tell my girlfriend, of course, how I am doing and how she can help, my thoughts go to, what can I do to help myself feel grounded, comfortable, and safe. Initial thoughts are, checking in with my two friends in our group texts about how I am doing, and just generally touching base / feeling the connection with “back home.” Also, exercise (there’s a hotel gym) – no matter how much I absolutely won’t want to. I could journal, which is something I do alone on a daily basis, so I will have to plan what that will look like on a group vacation. Also – be present and absorb all the experiences available and around me. I suppose the new chapter to this phase of adulting is to continue to allow new experiences influence and evolve me. 

One thing NOT on my mind, is feeling guilty or strange to go on a vacation without Lynn… and I would not have been able to predict how I would feel without actually going through the experience. We went on many vacations – with her family, as well as with my family. We never had much money, so our vacations of just the two of us were mostly camping, road trips, etc. No regrets. Well… we always planned to go to Italy, but never made it. THAT would have been cool. I think this upcoming trip highlights crossing over some line of “before” and “now.” As the new experiences keep coming, and there is a nostalgic, bittersweet feeling, at times, of “still moving forward.”