While I’m a firm believer that when we shuffle off our mortal coil, our consciousness and, for lack of a better term, our soul, may continue in some way, this post isn’t really going to talk about ghosts in a paranormal sense but ramble about other types of “ghosts”.

You see, there is another way to define the term:

An enduring emotional or psychological impression left behind by someone who has died.

The physical presence of your person is gone, but they live on in your memory and through your grief but also through behavioral echoes.

I still can’t look at my couch without thinking of how Mario used to be such a fixture on it, especially towards the end. Sometimes I can gaze out to the front yard and just about see him, slightly leaning, arms folded, headphones on, swaying to whatever music he was listening to and smoking a cigarette. Sometimes it’s the kitchen, and I can almost see him with a whole Chinese pot sticker making operation in full swing.

With someone who you were with a huge chunk of time … lived a life together … occupied the same house, such as a spouse, that whole house holds echos of that person.

Everywhere you look, it’s memories. Mundane things, important things. In the paranormal world, if one actually sees or captures evidence of a non-interactive sort, it’s often called a “residual” haunting. Almost like an old movie reel playing a scene over and over. Residual is a rather descriptive word that I think works in this case. Moments in time, a residue of life.

Routines that were so intertwined are hard to break. It’s almost ingrained in the landscape of your home, your yard, the vehicle you shared together … everything. Like a well-worn path, the familiarity of what your life used to be like with your person, remains, even though the physicality is gone.

When sitting quietly in a room that your spouse used to spend a lot of time in, you can often find yourself searching for just a hint of them. A sound, a scent, objects they once loved … impressions from the past that you long to bring into the present once again as if it all never happened. I think it’s almost a defense mechanism for your brain to manifest these types of “ghosts”.

Everything from that classic empty chair, a favorite holiday dish, or a very slight dip on the other side of a mattress, to special traditions that formed over the years are all more echos of your person.

These are the ghosts we live with every day.

A Psychological Perspective

In psychology, a ghost can represent unresolved grief, trauma, or the mental models we build of the people we lose. When someone close to us dies, our brains retain a deeply ingrained mental model of them. So none of this is surprising to me.

It’s no wonder that we can still anticipate their advice, hear their criticism, or feel their comfort. While I’ve said many times, I do feel there are legitimate “signs from beyond”, the bulk of these everyday feelings are a psychological imprint that continues to influence us daily.

In grief, a metaphorical ghost can be the stark contrast between a brain that expects someone to be there and the reality of their absence. It’s a strange cognitive dissonance.

The Past is Never Fully Erased

We all know memories can live on. Impressions our loved one made on us and others can live on. Something they physically made can live on. Even things like catchphrases, setting a holiday table a certain way, or a particular piece of music they loved can all live on in our hearts and minds.

These sorts of ghosts can act as the invisible thread of continuity that ensures the memories stay alive.