Widow's Voice

A Mountain of Things

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A mountain with snow in the fog
This week I’ve spent a lot of time helping my mom with various things while also watching her ride the rollercoaster of the stages of grief. I know she’s frustrated. She’s 83 and has only so much energy and patience in a day. She really wants to get all of the important things done that a surviving spouse has to deal with, but is bumping into things like a doctor who’s taking her sweet time signing my dad’s death certificate. If I remember right, I think I had to wait almost 3 weeks for a doctor to sign Mario’s.

As we all know, just about everything on the widow’s immediate to-do list requires that certificate. So this period of limbo is understandably filled with a lot of frustration.

Since my dad was also in an accident and totaled his truck, my mom is also having to deal with all the hoops that require jumping through on that front. She’s just overwhelmed and sadly, I understand it completely.

Meanwhile, I’ve also been tasked with going through my dad’s large shop filled with all manner of tools, machines and decades of accumulated things.

My dad was the type of guy that if you needed something fixed, he could fix it, if you needed some sort of tool, he had it (maybe even 2 or 3). And when my parents moved up here, that shop was his dream come true. It was 4000 square feet of an oasis for someone who loved tinkering around and fixing things. And now, even with all that stuff, it just feels empty when I’m there.

I’ve started posting some of the larger items for sale and am now fielding inquiries and coordinating interested parties. I don’t mind it because I’m good at that sort of thing and I really don’t want the stuff sitting around gathering dust. It also takes my mind off of things. I did the same sort of thing after Mario’s departure.

Tomorrow I have to face the challenging task of going to pick up my dad’s ashes from the funeral home. I’ll probably bring him home and set him next to Mario’s urn until we can coordinate the burial at sea with the U.S. Coast Guard (my dad was a retired Commander).

This next week I do have some down time scheduled—a two night camping trip with my little tear drop trailer. It’s not much of a getaway, but at least some time to just rest and de-stress. Then it will be back to realty.

About Sherry Holub

I met my spouse, Mario, at UCLA School of Art in 1993. After graduating in 1995, I founded a small agency specializing in web and graphic design. Mario became my partner in the company in 1999. In 2002, we were married at the Costa Mesa, CA court house because neither of us wanted a big wedding ceremony (after already being together since 1995).

Mario was a highly talented artist, musician, illustrator and 3D Designer, but a tortured one. He was one of those gentle, creative souls who ended up burning twice as bright for half as long. Mario lost the battle with liver disease induced by alcoholism (almost exactly 6 months after he became sober) on 2/10/21.

I’m a long-time artist and writer with a background in photography who enjoys cooking, getting outdoors, staying young at heart, and sharing experiences to potentially help others. When it comes to writing, I’ve written both for fun and professionally over the years. Writing is also sometimes therapy for me and I don’t mind sharing my personal experiences with a wider audience.