There were 12 of us around the table, different ages, cultural, faith, and professional backgrounds. We were brought together by one of the worst things some of us had ever experienced: the death of our spouses.

We met through a virtual online support group. The second of three I’ve joined so far. I really didn’t want a virtual group, but I was desperate for this kind of community, and boy, am I glad I joined!

My first meeting, in November 2024, was half anticipation and half, “I can’t believe this is my life now.” I didn’t want to say much. Members of the group took turns “welcoming me.” That first day, through the screen, I could feel the love, grace, compassion, and connection coming from these strangers, whom I now consider great friends. Then I experienced again the power of a community in grief.

Fast forward to Saturday, when we came together—minus a couple who couldn’t make it—for what has now become our traditional Friendsgiving celebration.

A little backstory: I was already running low on energy by the time Saturday rolled around. My sister and her boyfriend had been visiting for the week, and it was their last day. That morning we made breakfast and lingered at the table for a while until it was time for them to go to the airport. I then started making mini empanadas for a school fundraiser for our daughter’s grade, along with homemade mac and cheese, my husband’s favorite, for the Friendsgiving celebration.

There was turkey, mashed potatoes, lumpia (a delicious Filipino-style mini egg roll filled with beef and veggies), roasted rainbow carrots, vegetable stew, cranberry sauce, mac and cheese, sourdough bread rolls, fruit salad, pumpkin cheesecake, and a maple apple dessert. All of it delicious!!! We ate, drank wine, and toasted with bubbly.

During dinner, someone noted, “You realize if it weren’t for the death of our partners, we probably would have never met.”  Completely agree, yet we are so happy we did, in the aftermath of life’s fucking cruel move.

Then we had karaoke. So much fun catching up, singing, and laughing. We laughed a lot! Some songs reminded me of my hubby. At one point, we realized we were singing the blues and someone said, “All these sad songs with widowed people. Can we change it up a bit?” And just like that, we moved on to more upbeat, fun songs.

A  beautiful celebration of the people who find each other after loss. ❤️‍🩹

This group has seen me cry, rant, and lash out at life. But they have also seen me laugh, sing, and dance at my worst, and they understand. They have been a lifeline for me. We have been there for each other.

It isn’t a surprise to me how often we read about the power of community in grief.

Sometimes I measure my healing and growth through my grief by the number of homemade meals I can prepare. Sometimes by how much fun and laughter there is in my life. Sometimes by how much I can think about, remember, miss, and celebrate my husband without completely falling apart. And sometimes by the number of wonderful people I have met along the way.

🥂 Cheers to unexpected friendships and the people who make this journey a lot less lonely 🍷

As I think about what I am grateful for in my life, this fun bunch right here definitely makes the cut. 😜

 

Hasta la próxima! Until next weekPeace.