I am writing this on Tuesday night. I am very late in writing my Friday post, as I have been many times, and I appreciate the grace. Between caregiving for my dad, graduate school, and sometimes just feeling like I have nothing to say, some weeks I struggle to write something by Friday. But, tonight, my writing topic came to me and I knew I needed to write about it.
I have lived in Georgia my entire life and my family history here goes pretty far back. This means a few things, one of those being I was born an Atlanta Braves fan. I remember listening to games on sports radio in the car with my dad and going to Atlanta to see them at Turner Field. As a kid, I even got a baseball signed by the very dreamy Javy Lopez.
Tonight, as I watched a very intense playoff game between the Braves and Brewers, I felt my grief sneaking in. I was filled with excitement, but sneaky grief was showing up! And then I realized all I wanted to do was text Boris. I really wanted him to be sitting there next to me watching nervously, talking trash, and analyzing the game. I flashed back to the infamous “infield fly” situation from several years ago when the Braves lost in the playoffs. I flashed back to the many Braves games I attended with Boris and the many games we watched on TV. I stared at my phone. I scrolled through my contacts. I texted one of Boris’s best friends about the game. But all I wanted was to talk to Boris. All I wanted was to share this moment. And, then when Freddie Freeman hit a home run and my dad said, “thank God for Freddie Freeman”, I just wanted to tell Boris so badly. Why isn’t he here to see this? Now we are going to the NL Championship Series. And I just want Boris to see this. And, maybe on the Other Side, there’s baseball. I mean, God must be a Braves fan, right? 😉
Grief really does sneak up on you. And happy moments are so happy, but so sad at the same time. It is like everything will always have that sting. He will always be missing in the joy. Most of the years I knew Boris, he was a sports fan. Now that I reflect on this, he was a pretty avid Falcons, Braves, and Hawks fan until the last year or so of his life. I am not sure if his depression had something to do with it, but there was definitely a tapering off of sports fandom before he died. But, I have so many memories of going to games, playing Fantasy Football, and him teaching me sports rules. I loved his excitement, even when it was annoying or I found the games to be boring. If you are from Georgia, you know that being an Atlanta sports fan is very stressful and heartbreaking. So tonight’s win was really special. And, I just miss Boris so much right now.