The first Thanksgiving Mike and I spent together in 1999, we went out for Indian food. We thought it would be a lark to be totally untraditional, and we did that together for a few years until we moved to Hawaii. Once we got here we started hosting the holiday ourselves with various groups of family and friends over the years. I have a lot of fond…
widowed growth
And, longer than….
First, thanks to Chris for filling in while I dealt with preparing for and sitting 3 finals in 4 days. Of course, while I was meant to be studying, I came to the realisation of something. Come June 18th 2015, Ian will have been gone longer than we had known each other – three years and four days versus three years and three days. I have no idea…
The Cost of Grief
I have been here in Indiana for over a week. My days have been quiet, but they are about to get much busier, with family and friends taking time off work in preparation for Thanksgiving. My social calendar, which, to this point, has been fairly empty, will soon be filled with scheduled meet ups and events. I am not sure I’m ready. I find it…
Still, Life
week has been a whirlwind for me. I met a fellow artist who, upon seeing my photographic series on grief, asked to write this feature about it for a creative blog he writes for. That one blog post at this point has led to around 6 other blogs contacting me to share my story and the project… which has resulted in hundreds of people sharing the…
Living with the Hole
A young widow in my on-line support group, who lost her husband to depression very recently, said something this week that really got me thinking. She had one of those moments that happen in the early days where you kind of forget your partner has gone – she picked up her phone to text him about something and then it hit her hard, she could never…
Let It In
I am not sure where it came from. I am not sure why. I am not sure what actions or non-actions or grief-work or thoughts led to this way that I feel today. This week. This moment. This now. I am not sure of anything, but it happened. I am back to loving Christmas. Monday morning of this week, after 3 years and almost 4 months of living with the…
My Little Seedling of Hope
The weather is warming up here in sunny Queensland, Australia, with Spring in full swing and Summer just around the corner. Last weekend I popped over to visit my sister and her family, who live a few streets away, and they’d just enjoyed their very first swim in their brand new backyard pool. The sun was getting ready to set, casting its…
Sunrise
So, last week, you may have noticed that my post was strangely invisible in here. Yeah. That is because I totally forgot to write one. I realized this fact somewhere around the time when my name was being called out loud by my friend and Soaring Spirits board member Janine. We were in San Diego. At Camp Widow West. At the Saturday night formal…
Seeds of Change
Growing up in Virginia my parents always had a lovely garden. They still do, actually. Every year they compost and dig and plant and in the summers appear beautiful tomatoes, beans, eggplants, lettuce and lots of other things. I wasn’t much into digging in the dirt when I was a kid though, so when I moved into my first house with Mike in Los…
Chop wood. Carry water.
There is a saying in Zen: Before Enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After Mike died I couldn’t function coherently at all for about a week. I couldn’t focus on the basic necessities of cooking, cleaning, errands…even driving. I really could not drive…
No Offense Meant~Bless Your Heart
FWG. A term I made up myself and one that may or may not be offensive to people. Words are funny, aren’t they? My mom used to say that people are the ones who give power to words and I believe the same goes for those who hear the words. They receive it according to how they define the word. When people ask me what FWG means, I generally ask…
Help
Here’s what I’m noticing as I begin to build a life with someone since Dave died. I’m struggling to let myself be helped. I fight against the idea of my boyfriend doing things for me. I’m torn between the desire to let myself be a part of a couple again and split the work up – You do the finances because you love it and I’m terrible at it. I do…