Last night I was telling someone about Dan. I spoke candidly about my widow journey since his death, and in particular, how his suicide had impacted on me. It’s nearly been two years and ten months since his death and when I remember back to that first year in particular (as well as the second) it can feel like a lifetime ago while also being…
suicide stigma
Validating my Truth
During the week, I was rushing down a busy street while on my lunch break from work, when I passed a former colleague. He called out to me and we stopped to quickly catch up. I hadn’t seen this man for around three years, since he moved to London for work. As is often the way with old workmates, they plan such an integral role in your…
One of Many
Before I lost my husband to depression, I was so unaffected by the word ‘suicide’. The word itself and casual references are everywhere in our society. In the lyrics of popular songs and common terms of phrase; it pops up unexpectedly in movies and tv shows and it features in art work, like Banksy’s ‘suicidal butterflies’. I’m ashamed to…
Fighting the stigma
A member of my ‘widowed by suicide’ support group shared something with the rest of us this week that has inspired some deep reflection around Dan’s death in a way that I haven’t done in a while. On Thursday night, for the third time, he presented to a class at the University of Utah about ‘death and dying’, talk specifically about…
Suicide, my Life Sentence
This Thursday was World Suicide Prevention Day, which brought up a lot of mixed emotions for me. In the past 25 months since my husband’s death, I have grown and healed and taken many significant steps into my new life, however I don’t think I’ll ever reach the point where I stop wishing that I could have saved him. His depression was a…
An Unexpected Reason to Smile
Yesterday marked the two year anniversary of the day I lost my husband to depression. It’s the hardest day of the year for me. I miss him always and there are obviously times that are harder than others, like our wedding anniversary, Christmas and birthdays. However while those days bring sadness, it’s his death anniversary that has me…