Still, After one year, six months, and six days, Almost every thought still begins with you. I am unable to live completely in the moment, And, I struggle to be present, Because, In my mind, I am endlessly travelling to a better place in time, Again and again. I return to this place, Where you existed once upon a time. ~Staci Sulin~ Time. …
StaciSulin
Mothers. It’s Complicated.
Mothers. It’s complicated. Being a mother. Having a mother. Not having a mother. It’s all complicated. The truth is Mother’s Day can be a lousy day a lot for some people for various and unique reasons. Not everyone has a mother on earth. Some have a mother who is alive, but absent from them. Some are truant by choice; others are not present…
Let it Ride
I love how Mike was made. He was a good man. He was solid. Kindhearted. Bold in character, and strong in spirit. He stood with confidence. When he walked in a room the energy changed. Mike commanded attention in a very unassuming way. There was a certain authority in everything he did, yet there was a gentleness to him that you…
Passion
Over the last 532 days, I have taken a fair bit of time to think about my future. After much thought and consideration, I have concluded that my life will be magical again – eventually. I know that my life will be everything I ever dreamed it could be. Life will be beautiful – again. Maybe even more lovely than I’ve ever imagined… And,…
Quiet
As the months pass, I am becoming increasingly reserved. I used to be a very social person; but, now, I am not overly interested in interacting with the people around me. I am not compelled to engage in superficial conversations because it distracts me from my own thoughts. My identity was intimately entwined with Mike; therefore, when I…
Smile
He loved my smile. And, let me tell you, I smiled a lot because of him. I loved my life – when he was in it. I wore my smile like a permanent accessory because my life was beautiful. Our joy permeated the air around us. Our laughter echoed off every one near us. Our words to one another were always heartfelt. We looked at each other with a…
Joy Seeker
I have always looked for Joy. I search for it everywhere I go. Seeking Joy is like a treasure hunt; except, in this case, I don’t have a map. Honestly, I don’t mind the lack of navigational tools because I have grown used to hurling myself into the unknown since he died. With practice, I have become accustom to feeling lost. Now, I am…
Hollow
In every store you visit the shelves are lined with colorful, foil wrapped chocolate bunnies. They stand neatly organized in the aisles, adorned with ribbons and bows. At first glance, these holiday treats catch your eye because they look shiny and decadent. But, things aren’t as they appear. We know the bunnies are hollow inside even…
His Girl
I still feel like Mike’s girl. When he was alive, he’d tell perfectly good strangers about me. Anyone he encountered throughout his day was sure to find out about me in short order. The cashiers at the neighborhood grocery store knew of me because he proudly gushed about me while they wrapped the red roses he’d buy me every time he did his…
Having All Your Birthdays in One Day
It’s his birthday this week. March 22nd. On this day, I will always “celebrate” Mike. There will never be a March 22nd that I don’t spend with him. On his birthday I purposefully choose to remember the way he lived. I celebrate the life and love we shared together. This is how I try to honor him everyday – not just on his birthday. …
Come Undone
Most of the time I feel empty inside. The landscape of my Soul is barren since he died. However, most people can only see the vibrant life I have. At first glance, my life appears fairly enviable. With the exception of Mike’s death, I have all the trappings of a good life. I have the kids, the house, the car, and the career. I have…
Malbec Part 2
Like a good vintage wine, last weeks blog, Malbec, requires a second harvest. Over the last seven days, I have changed my mind about a few things and, now, I am offering up another tasting – this tasting is paired with hindsight. A week ago, I shared my ritual of holding out my hands, searching and reaching for him. In my own words I…