On July 12th, 2011, during another ordinary day in my previous life, I could have never in a zillion years predicted or seen coming that only hours later, my husband would leave for work and never return again. I could NOT have foreseen that he would be sitting at the computer desk in our bedroom one minute, and the next morning,I would be jarred…
grief
Just This~
The stars, the moon, the Universe. Something greater and more powerful than I. This is what I need to grasp and know and hold close because I’m foundering within that very Universe. For 24 years I was so certain of where my feet stood, what my life was, and I lived it with passion, appreciating every day of it with my beloved husband. Now that…
Into A New Darkness
Well, here I am in the caves region of Kentucky. Last week I shared about the trip I would be on with my new guy – seeing each other in person for the first time since we met several months ago. As I write this, we’re a few days into our trip. He is lying next to me now, munching away on donuts while I write. I’m finally ready to share a bit…
Popped
There are many things I’m certain of in and of myself:I am strong.I am resilient.I am confident.I am driven.I am passionate.I am a rebel.I am a lover.I am a giver.I am a life embracer.But I must be honest.Last year, I found myself challenged.Now, I must preface that with that fact that I live for challenges. I thrive off of them.And yet, when I…
Clean or Dirty
Something I’ve begun to distinguish since Dave died is clean pain versus dirty pain. I can’t remember the original source of this idea, though I’ve read about the concept several different times. Clean pain is the pain we feel when we lose someone or something we love dearly. It’s the pain we naturally feel when we’re ripped from…
The Bubble
My body is already preparing for the 3 year “sadiversary.” It seems this has started a lot sooner this year. I can feel it in my heart, the tears are falling often again. My physical grief always starts in the arches of my feet and the palms of my hands. From there it spreads to my joints, and eventually, my brain. It takes me a while to…