There’s someone I’ve been neglecting for the past 3.5 years. She is strong, but has infrequent, spectacular meltdowns due to the ….(there is no word to describe this but widows know the feeling) …. of it all. She loves hard, but falls hard. She picks herself back up again, dusts herself off and keeps going. She takes every sling and…
aussie widow
A legacy of kindness….
I recently read a book (and then watched the movie) called “Cloud Atlas” by David Mitchell. I count it as one of my top ten reads of all time. It’s not an easy read, either in content (lots of death and savagery), nor in lightness (its complex, you can’t afford not to be 100% focused on the story or you will miss something important).But this…
All the dumb things*
… people say. Last week, a teacher I like and respect was chatting to me in the staff room before school. She said “I’ve been widowing all weekend because my husband was away. Amanda, I don’t know how you do it”. ..and I know, I KNOW that these kinds of comments often make the collective blood of widows begin to simmer.But I didn’t bite…
Changes
What follows is my own opinion. I know it is not everyone’s and I am truly glad to live in a country where I am free to vote for whomever I wish. I am grateful to have a vote when so many women are denied this right. …and I also appreciate the freedom to express my opinions here. Well, we’ve had a bit of a change over here in the past…
Father’s Day
Last Sunday was Father’s Day. A day that I try to put on a happy, life-can-still-be-good smile that doesn’t quite reach my eyes. A day that I try to acknowledge with the children in a way that is not morbid. A day that always makes me feel sad. Not long after I woke, I heard sobs coming from my son’s room. This is the child who was 5 when his…
Download
One thing I really miss about Greg is that, when I had a rough day, he would let me download to him and he would make things OK. …and yesterday, I really needed to blurt out what an incredibly crappy day I had* and have someone tell me that it was done and that I was OK and that tomorrow was a new day.But I didn’t have anyone I could blather…
Distraction
A very wise woman (also a widow) once me that when things get really-rock-bottom-bad; find a distraction. A new distraction that doesn’t carry the weight of memories that include him. I do a range of things at 2am when the darkness creeps in. I read (always a solitary activity for me), or play endless games of solitaire and then pin things on…
Why This is YOUR Fault
Like many of you, last week I read a facebook post by the fabulous Michele in which she confessed to being irritate with her dead husband (not her lovely, living one….) Went for a run this morning, and my legs were feeling heavy and slow. Phil is never far from my mind when I run (especially in August), and as I struggled with the miles I…
The fury
After three-and-a-half years, I can cope with most days. Some days are sad. Some days are just part of the grey melange I seem to be constantly wading through. Some days are good (not great – nothing is great). And some days I am Just Furious. But I don’t know where to direct this fury…I am furious that my life is not what I worked so hard…
I am strong.
I am strong. I am incredibly strong. I never knew how strong Before. I wonder how I survived those first few minutes of knowing, those first few hours of screaming, that first night, week, month, year. But I did. …and so I know I am made of strong stuff. I know it’s true because I am still here, raising two children, finding joy where I can get…
I am not alone (why I am glad I blog)
I’m sitting here, calmly typing this and it’s been 622 days since my husband died. I know exactly how many days because of my regular blog. But to think that I can type this without tears would have been unthinkable a year ago. I began writing about my pain just over a month after the accident. I blogged everything because I knew I’d always be able…
“Kevin”
Kevin was a fictional character on the award-winning Australian television series “Sea Change”. Kevin ran the local caravan park and on the surface, he appeared to be a fairly one-dimensional character – a gullible, but honest single-father doing the best he could on minimum wage and abilities. ….. but doing it with an air of a man who…