This time of year brings the inevitable reckoning of a three year milestone. Each day, my Social Media feeds deliver me back to those days that changed my life forever. It is a blessing and a curse to be able to relive, in what sometimes feels like real-time, the events leading up to the day of Rich’s passing on October 28.
Some may think it’s morbid to “go there” but as the saying goes, “You can run but you can not hide” – or something like that. As I put the finishing touch on a memoir I’ve been working on since January, I am already reliving so many pivotal events that took place during the past three years. It’s a documented endeavor to honor the memory of my late husband, help me process all that transpired and ultimately, to share the reality and diversity of widowhood and its aftermath to help other widowed and enlighten those who love them.
Many people talk about “Five Year Plans” and although I know that it’s important to have an outline of what one hopes to expect personally, professionally and financially in the future, you only have so much “control”. Back in January 2020, when Rich and I purchased our Dream Home in Southeast Georgia, I could not have envisioned the life I lead now, different in every way, in a town I’d never even knew existed in the woods of Old Florida. He often finds “little” ways to show me he is very happy for me and is “still around”.
On this day, October 26, 2005, I received from a family member, I can’t even remember which one, informing me that my brother, Matt, at age 39, had passed. I reacted by emitting a stream of words I won’t share here and handing the phone to Rich to ask if I was hearing things right. I also thought I was dreaming and I’d wake up soon.
Although I’d lost grandparents, at that time, it was the first loss of someone very close to me, my youngest sibling. The days leading up to his Service included All Souls Day and I remember up at the church altar the night before his funeral, gazing upon a scattering of photos of deceased loved ones placed their by friends and family.
At that time my late sister Manette, lived in a beautiful home in our home town of Hackensack, NJ, perched on top of a street that during October, was transformed in to what is still known as “Halloween Town”. It is such a major endeavor that the road is blocked for weeks before Halloween and people are actually bussed in for tours. Newscasters from neighboring New York City outlets come to broadcast and police direct traffic.
My sister had hosted the repass after Matt’s Funeral. As we dined and remembered my brother, a line of trick-o-treaters formed outside the front door. “They all think this is a Halloween Party,” I remarked. We had a much-needed laugh, afterall, we were celebrating the life of our brother, son, cousin, friend. He’d appreciate our dark humor.
We gave the young family-members the contents of an entire large closet filled with top-grade candy that had been well-stocked as my sister typically hosted a large Halloween Party each year and understood the numbers involved. It was a great diversion for the bored little ones who were happy to have a job greeting the long trail of costumed revelers and handing out candy.
I’m sure Rich has graciously accepted this tribute to Matt on my brother’s “Angelversary”. Those two were close and Rich often tried to help my troubled brother with patience and understanding. They both live on in my memory, for better or worse, through good days, and “Not-So”. Rich will have his “place in the sun” this coming week.
Thank you for letting me reminisce. I miss them all each day and I’m grateful I have the opportunity to honor them here. Have a good weekend and remember your Loved Ones on All Souls Day and Happy Halloween, may it be filled with treats.