Over the years, I’ve definitely been someone who likes to journal. Journaling for me embodies a way to just write absolutely anything that may be on my mind. I don’t worry about style or grammar or any of that fun stuff that I’m more concerned about when I’m writing for other people to read it. There’s also something about physically writing–putting literal pen to paper–that is a whole different vibe from typing it out on a screen. It’s more purposeful and takes more effort. I also take time to choose just the right journal and just the right pen/pens.

Journaling is also just for me. No one else reads it. I originally started journaling while in college. I’ve even kept some of the old journals and every now and then read a few pages of them to remind me where I was at that point in time.

I think journaling has come more into fashion in recent years, specifically with the whole gratitude movement and things like a focus on mental health and stress reduction. I’ve found it helpful to journal thoughts before I go to bed if it’s something I know would otherwise keep me up at night. Emotions, accomplishments, goals, intentions, gratitude, to-dos, plans, progress on various things, milestones, daily life, events, trips .. basically I put no boundaries on what goes into the journal.

I was looking back through some of the 2021 stuff and realizing what an emotional shipwreck I was (understandably). But in contrast, I can see how far I’ve come too. As widowed people, we all know that the passage of time from the passing of our spouses makes a difference, even though grief itself and the general fallout of a loved-one’s death is certainly not linear and the ache of loss continues throughout the years.

I’m glad I wrote stuff down during that time though. My brain was definitely not in the best space but the fact I journaled a lot then means nothing is “lost”, if that makes sense. It reminds me of the lyric “keep in touch with that raw emotion” from the song “Let Your Troubles Roll By” from the band Carbon Leaf.

Here’s the full lyrics …

Love endures, it clings away
When asked to leave, it begs to stay
Like the perfect song, at imperfect times
It’s the way the chords struck with the rhymes
So let your troubles roll by…

He knows he can help himself
He can tell by a look at the books on his shelf

And someone, somewhere loses her son
Before her own sunset is said and done

And she dreams of sunflowers bent-over
Frozen in snow, and thinks ‘Colorado’
Then plays her life back in slow motion
To keep in touch with that raw emotion
In the night, crushed empty can
Olive Oil’s waiting for her man
To come in from the fight
That will change their life
‘For good this time…’

When all of your tears dry, let your troubles roll by

Like New Year’s Eve, tonight’s underway
But tomorrow you’ll wake up afraid of the day
‘Cause underneath the scars of your broken dreams
An undone war still wages and stings
You fear the year will blow
Like a breeze through a rainbow
You swear it’s there, but you can’t grab a hold
So you sit and cry and wonder why, why…

When all of your tears dry, let your troubles roll by

So many cities and windows and lives
And through each one there’s a soul that strives to survive
So pay no mind, my sorrow’s fine
The day is alive and that’s why I cry
It’s a New Year’s toast, grab your list to conspire
The last snake hissed as he was thrown in the fire
You’ve come far, and though you’re far from the end
You don’t mind where you are, ‘cause you know where you’ve been

Like a culture vulture sprawled out on the floor
Like a dead devil soldier washed up on the shore
With nothing of note but the ole’ Captain’s coat
And a burning boat you just sank with your salty tears…

I’m going to hold off on getting into the weeds on music on this post because that is going to be a whole series of posts, so stay tuned for that…