Yesterday was our most recent Soaring Spirits Regional Group meetup, held at a local coffee shop that we frequent. The place has a nice open concept for seating, the coffee is local and delicious, plus lots of yummy menu choices offering everything from bagels to quiche to muffins to cookies to scones. Its a comfy atmosphere, and a family run place, and we enjoy going there.
Saturday morning we met there at 10:30am, and stayed until around 12:30pm. There were six of us, and everyone’s situation is different, as far as where they are at in their widowhood, grief, and life. What I love about these meetups is that everyone is so supportive, even if they are not in the same place as their fellow widowed friend sitting next to them. We are all there to help each other through, and I lost count of how many times someone at that table said to someone else who is going through something hard: “So how are you doing right now?” And yes, our non-widowed friends and family also ask us how we are doing and help us through hard things, but there is a big difference. Our non-widowed friends do not know or comprehend the complexities of how our widowhood status affects every other thing in our lives going forward. And not just for the first year or three years or some ridiculous made-up date of expiration provided by society – but forever. I can tell you firsthand that as I am going through this divorce currently, I am going through it with a very unique perspective and mindset directly because I have been widowed. And the missing of Don has shifted in a whole new way for me, and in ways that I could not have ever imagined or seen coming.
Losing your person to death has a lifetime affect on the one who is left behind. Each of us carries it differently, but its there. And when we gather in that coffee shop, or wherever we may gather 2x per month, just the act of seeing one another lifts this giant invisible veil almost immediately for each of us. We can sit down, breathe in and out, and say whatever is on our minds without judgement or pity or someone trying to fix us. We can just be us, and we can be there to support each other through it.
Sometimes, a newly widowed person will find our group, and join us for the first time. When that happens, its as if we all collectively feeling what they are feeling – that deer in the headlights look they have when entering a room filled with widowed people, and realizing in that moment, they are one of us. It’s that feeling of how is this my life and I dont want to be here!!!! that makes us want to run screaming in the other direction. Except if we did that, we would end up right back at home, where we are still very much widowed, and now alone. So most times, when people walk into our group for the first time, we collectively unite together to make them feel that unique thing of: we are so happy we can be here for you, and we are SO sorry that this is where you need to be. We got you. It makes me feel good that when new people leave our meetups for the first time, they usually do so with more hope and validation than when they arrived. And those of us who keep coming, we come back for each other – for the friends we have made, the laughs we have shared, and to keep helping each other through all of life’s many victories, hardships, and everything in between.
